Surrounded by complete darkness, I began to ponder exactly how one would feel if left to die in a cave. Now, I know this was simply a demonstration to help us identify with the experiences of early-cave explorers, but I couldn’t help but think about it. Of course, I doubt most of my group would last 20 minutes without some form of electricity, but to be fair, we were never forced to go without. But seriously, I wonder how I would feel if I was lost deep underground with no obvious way out. Would I simply accept my fate and give up, or would I fight for survival until my last breath? Would I die a hero or a moron? I’m not sure if dying in a cave is considered badass or just lame. Hopefully I’ll never find out. It’s funny how my thoughts turn strangely morbid when the lights go out.
Over the years, Crystal Cave has apparently become “the most popular natural attraction in Pennsylvania.” Located in the heart of Berks County, this cave was discovered by accident in 1871 while blasting for limestone. After several explorations, and a disappointing discovery that the cave was not full of diamonds, Samuel Kohler purchased Crystal Cave and the 47-acre farm surrounding it for $5,000. As a result, Kohler became Pennsylvania’s first full time cave operator. Soon after his purchase, Kohler made Crystal Cave into a tourist attraction. From there the story goes on. Crystal Cave became a chosen venue for parties, weddings, and baptisms. It also became a popular locale for photographers, artists, and writers.
Arriving at the mouth of the cave takes some work. First, one must amble up a sharp incline of switchbacks. That part of the adventure is slightly awkward; in reality, once you reach the top of the hill, you’re huffing and puffing like you just ran a mile, but you’re trying your hardest to hide your struggle for air, because you don’t want people to know how out-of-shape you are. If you wish to spare yourself some embarrassment, it’s best to avoid talking to others until you catch your breath and you return to your normal heart rate.
Luckily, if you survive the hike to the top, you get to sit back and relax while watching a quality film about the history of Crystal Cave….just kidding. Yeah, the film may be informative, but it’s several awkward attempts at humor fall completely flat. It didn’t help that the “theater” had scratched, red cement floors, orange plastic chairs, and ghostly-white walls –not exactly an ideal cinema center like those which most of us have grown accustomed too.
Fortunately, I made it through the movie presentation, and my class was able to commence our tour of the cave. Leroy, our trusty tour guide, made sure to warn us of the Crystal Cave curse: you come out of the cave looking older than when you came in. That received a few chuckles from the group. Regrettably, I had already toured Crystal Cave. It was a poor decision that my roommate and I made one Saturday during our freshman year, before we had friends and before we had lives. Anyway, I wondered if this time, the curse would come true. I could already feel myself aging by the second and my brain turning to mush…here was another 30 minutes of my life wasted.
Of course, I’m being over-dramatic, but honestly, how can you be anything but sarcastic when you’re forced to tour a cave? And not even a cool cave, like Penn’s Cave, which you get to tour by boat and feed schools of swimming trout along the way, but no, just little ‘ole Crystal Cave. But Leroy tried his best to keep us entertained. He cracked a corny joke every now and then, and pointed out rock formations with informal nicknames like Sally the Seal and Bobby the Beaver.
As our shoes squeaked through puddles of water on the cement walkways, Leroy had begun showing us the cave’s largest room, the “Crystal Ballroom.” At 125 feet below the Earth’s surface and at a consistent 54 degrees all year long, Leroy explained that this was where the wedding, baptisms, and parties used to take place. By this time of the tour, the air was becoming oppressive to me; the damp, musty scent made me long for fresh, clean air and the feel of golden sunshine on my skin. A few hours later…okay, maybe only 15 minutes, my wish came true. I left Crystal Cave with my windows down and my sunglasses on. Driving back home, I couldn’t help but think, “Thank God I didn’t pay for that…again!”
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